The "secret" or the "tipping point" to your life is deciding to fully use your power of self-control, to take determining your life totally in your hands, with no resistance in the matter. You will get more of what you want - and you'll have immensely less stress and be much happier. There is no other choice that is a decent 2nd - and to the extent people make the opposite choice, their lives will "suck accordingly."
The BuddhaKahuna
But there is a "battle" wherein the lower mind is seeking homeostasis (balance) to where it is "taken care of" - with enough dopamine or good feelings or serotonin, not wanting to be bored (unstimulated),
I need to weigh off the future benefits, which appear smaller in the distance, against seeking immediate gratification, which appears much larger and closer. I need to keep the future benefits bigger than the competitor's benefits. If I let the competitor get tired and hungry it will 'need' more and need it sooner, as it becomes more and more desperate to get back to balance.
There is also a self-conversation, which must be very determined, very decided, and very clear about the value of sacrificing a bit in the short term for a reward that is further out or more intangible than a cookie.
I thought I'd be writing a page on self-control, but then I thought that sounded like repression of oneself (though it certainly isn't). Then it occurred to me that all of this is actually under the broader umbrella of self-determination.
It is I who determines my life, not outside forces or other people. I can determine my life even in the face of bad circumstances and/or disapproval from others.
I have all that it takes. I am whole and complete and able to get anything reasonably attainable in life. I have logic and reasoning power, which are all I need in order to exercise "judgment" or the ability to decide and choose. I have the ability to learn, which is all I need to have in order to gain skills and knowledge. If I "fail" (do not achieve the intended result), it is merely because I don't know enough yet and/or haven't developed the skill (which is a form of "knowing").
So, if I can rationally judge and if I can learn what I need in order to create a result, I can create virtually anything in my life. Indeed, I can determine my life.
Yes, I could be constantly explaining why I am the way I am, implicitly affirming the effect of past programming and circumstance. Yes, I could believe that there is something wrong with me or that something is too fearful.
But none of those are fixed and permanent, so I need not "hold" them that way. I can change my programming. I can learn. I can discern and then choose. And then I can act.
In other words, I am self-determinate - not my mother, my father, my failings, my looks, my circumstances or anything. Yes, they can affect me
The "secret" or the "tipping point" to your life is deciding to fully use your power of self-control, to take determining your life totally in your hands, with no resistance in the matter. You will get more of what you want - and you'll have immensely less stress and be much happier. There is no other choice that is a decent 2nd - and to the extent people make the opposite choice, their lives will "suck accordingly."
Read The One-Life Solution, by Dr. Henry Cloud. It's in the business section of the bookstore, but it is really about the psychology of effectiveness and ineffectiveness, of the lack of control and how to get it back. It also contains very insightful pieces on how we got to be that way!
I'll be writing more about self-control in the page on Self Control.
