The Child Persona - We Hold Onto This As If It Were Useful, But It Isn't!!! - Occasionally it works to get pity or a rescue, but in total it is massively harmful in terms of the great part of life that we lose. 

Control - Its Proper Use: Stop The Waste, Increase Power - Trying to control what is uncontrollable or not so controllabe begets a huge cost.

Responsibility - What Is It?  How Do I Create More Of It?  What Are Its Benefits? - Be clear about this, as the only good choice there is!


THE ONE BELIEF TO CHANGE
THE ONE THAT ALL ELSE IS DEPENDENT UPON



I don't mean here to insult you.  If you put aside your indignation for a moment, you might learn a highly, highly valuable piece of wisdom that will change your life significantly for the better.  Be convinced of this, so that you will effect the changes listed at the end of this piece!  Please!


THE CRUCIAL MISSING PIECE

               x x
       YOU ARE                                                                   WHERE YOU
         NOW                                                                      WANT TO GO
        HERE
                                                      ↑
                                     WHAT'S MISSING? (DUH!))

Well, there are a few things missing actually, but there is one without which you cannot or will not achieve what you want.  It's one, as evidenced by behavior, which we all have to some extent (except for the fully enlightened 3 people in the world), but which many of us don't fully realize - either because we are not looking or because we are successful enough that this other part is obscured.

It's really quite simple.

It is the belief that you are still a child (at least to some extent, even if you're not seeing it!).

It's as if you allowed yourself to get stuck there.

"But", you protest, "I don't believe that.  It's silly.  I know that I am a grown up."

Maybe, in an intellectual sense, anyway.


THE SURE SIGN

But I can tell if you still believe you are a child by the sure sign of it - by your child behavior and your taking on and operating from that viewpoint - and by the results you're getting (or not getting) in life.

If you engage in anger behavior, you are striking out like a helpless child who thinks the world should conform to what he wants.  So he uses, sometimes in a low consciousness manner, the tool of anger to attempt control in order to get what he wants.  But he fails to see the result - failing to see the result is another child trait, of not yet having learned that the world doesn't revolve around him and not yet learning that control and manipulation don't work and not yet learning of the harm he is doing to others (and especially not aware of the physical effect of that stress on himself!). 

I can tell if a person still believes he/she is a child by the results he/she produces.  It's simple.  If there is an effect, there must be a logical cause.  And an enlightened, full responsibility adult would never engage in those behaviors.  It is very, very clear.

Another sure sign:  A child/blame/excuse/dependent point of view always results in a large number of unsolved problems in one's life. 


THE ALTERNATIVE

A person who takes full responsibility for his life and all that happens in it is doing the opposite of the child (see the chart below).

[You've heard this before, from all the sports coaches, the life coaches, and the gurus.  Most often people have become oblivious to it, perhaps not truly "getting" its value.  Its value lies in it causing one to create a much, much greater life.]

Just believing one is a child and coming from that point of view (which couldn't be done if one is an adult) is the cause of blame, resentment, anger, rage, tantrums (!), comparison, feeling powerless, dependency and seeking rescue.  Surely a reasonably enlightened adult would not engage in those.   But if you do any of those, you are living from the viewpoint of a child. 

The problem is that people who have grown up bodies are often living in the "Land Of Inbetween" - between being a child and not yet fully being an adult.  The consequence is that we have become accustomed to that behavior and we attribute it to "being normal" and "just being human." 

Well, bullbleep!  Total bullbleep!  Don't stand for that for a moment, at least not with yourself.

Why?" you say.

Because it is what gets in the way between you and getting all of what you want.

You cannot "close the gap" unless you take full responsibility for closing the gap, which means you will do whatever it takes to get what you truly want in life - without excuses - oh, did I mention that was a child ploy?  (If I have an excuse, meaning something else to blame, then I don't have to be responsible, meaning "at fault" or blamed for it.  It is  another affirmation, in speech and in action, that "I am not responsible.  The cause is 'out there'."  The responsible person encounters the barrier and merely starts figuring out how to get around , or over the barrier - or how to eliminate it.  He doesn't "fold his tent" early and go back to sucking his thumb and seeking pity or understanding from another.)




















But, "it's too hard to do", the child protests, "as I am a victim without power and I fold at the first sign of a barrier."  The responsible person assesses what needs to be done and then goes out and does it (if it a productive use of his time).

Other than occasional luck or despite themselves, some people who are not responsible succeed in something (and then they screw it up or screw up something else in life).  Responsible adults succeed because they only spend their time and focus on getting the results they want and then they take the responsibility to make it happen - they act on it.

How else could someone succeed without doing what it takes to close the gap??? (A number of people don't "think this out", as they seem to have a vague impression that somehow success will come from something else... Duh!)

OK, you either get the idea, and choose responsibility for results, or you don't, in which case you'll just not succeed if you don't take it on.

I would recommend you stop doing all the things in the left column and only do the things in the right column.  Some of these are the cause and some are the effect from which we can reasonably derive what the cause was.

In case I did not make myself clear you absolutely stop, cease, desist doing the child stuff and you absolutely insist on doing the responsible adult stuff - and by so doing you actually start to reprogram yourself and your brain into having more power - the power to get what you want in life. (Print this and keep it with you until you've got it right!

               (Don't do these!)                                               (Only do these!)



































































[And please realize that even if you are a "successful" or even if you are considered to be powerful, if you are doing any of the behaviors to move away from, it'll make a huge difference in your life itself be much more successful.]


RESPONSIBLE ADULT

I will:

Do it no matter what, if I judge it worthwhile.

Find a way to do it, I will persist.  I will win!

Do all I can and I will make it happen!

My emotions are just emotions.  They are not in charge.

I can learn as much as I can and mobilize what I need.

Not succeeding in the past just means I had a nonworkable strategy.  I'll devise a better one.

This is a false fear.  There is no real harm.  I'll do fine.

I take what is useful and then I find out what I can or do whatever I can.  I am not dependent on others.

They try their best and people all have limits. I don't expect perfection or some super-ideal.

I chose to stop doing it.  I am responsible.  If it is worth it, I will begin anew and focus and give it the time necessary.

I always have time for what is important.  I am not the victim of time.  I simply cut out what is not important.

Other than physical violence, no one can hurt me.




I simply chose as best I could and my parents did the best they could.  I never speak of this as I know it is a victim/blame conversation.

I never blame circumstances, people, or other things.  They are simply what is part of reality.  I wil choose to do what is best for me, regardless.

I am fully capable of creating all I want and need.  I can learn what will work and I can do it.



I, in reality, have power; there is no one who doesn't. It is simply a matter of my using it.  I am powerful because I choose to use my power!

I am the judge of myself.  I choose to love and appreciate myself.  If others do so, it is merely a bonus.

The future will likely be just fine, because I will do all I can to make it that way.  If something does happen, I will simply do the best I can - I also have learned that we overestimate the bad and that we humans always cope better than we imagine.
__________________________

As a responsible being, I will devise a set of affirmations and ways I will speak and act - and then I'll do those over and over - and I will gradually be more and more powerful.  I will learn whatever it takes!!!  I will study until completion - and not stop short!!!!!

I know I can find what I need and I will derive my new list of affirmations, period, regardless of any obstacles.
CHILD (aka victim)

Reasons why not:

It's too hard.

I don't know if I can succeed at it.

I just can't help it [are you kidding me!!]

    My emotions were too strong


   That's just the way it is, I can't change it.


I haven't succeeded in the past, so...[logic goes
        out the window and non-thinking rules!]

I'm afraid (not being approved of, failing...)


Other people let me down, so I don't succeed


    Counselors, consultants, experts


I got too busy to finish it...



I'm just too busy (to do that superimportant thing)



Someone might hurt me. I am so vulnerable.


Reasons why I am the way I am:

My childhood, my parents



Blame



I'm a fixed being, I can't change (much)


Affirmations (By behavior or language)

I am powerless.  (I can't understand why I give my power away - a euphism, not possible in reality)


I must be loved or I'm not ok.  I'll be ok when someone else loves me or approves of me.


I'm afraid of the future.  It will (could) be painful.  I just couldn't handle that.



_________________________________

These are just samplings, see the more in-depth articles.





But, but...you didn't tell me everything to do!  I'm stuck!                                                               →
People don't realize this key point:  Each time a person tells a "story" about why he is stuck being the way he is, because of... (parents, spouse, exspouse, authority figure who did not respect him, circumstances,etc.), he/she is being a child, engaging in blame and/or (often subtle) justification.

An adult does not seek to justify or excuse, unless there is an actual direct effect like on his job - and he always takes responsibility and then immediately moves to what he will do to correct it and reasserts his intention to do a good job (or to do better at whatever it is).
"Oh, how could you be so brutish.  I need pity and understanding in order to feel ok.  I need to talk things out and to have someone tell me I'm ok."

Well, I want you to feel ok.  But the consequences of dropping back into the child-to-be-comforted mode can be too high a price to pay - as we are going into the "poor thing, poor little victim, that thing or person did it to you and it's not fair" child mode.

And the longer you are gone from the "I'm a responsible adult and I'll get the job done" mode, the less gets done, the fewer are the desired results.  (Duh!  Me cuda figured that out!)

And if you get less of what you want in life, you are giving away part of your life, blowing the gift.

Of course, we ain't poifect, and sometimes we will fail to do what is right and to get what we want, but that should be limited only to very occasionally (once a month?)