tba
CONTENTS
What is hate?
Why hate a person?
The expression of hate
Watch your languaging
The solution
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WHAT IS HATE?
Hate is an emotion that is close to anger. As such, as with rage, it is a fear-related emotion, designed to solve what we fear. However, some consider it to be more of an attitude or disposition than a temporary emotional state, since it is generally long-lasting. I would tend to agree with the latter, though it is also an emotion that we "gin up" over and over again to upset ourselves.
Technically it is defined as "An emotion of intense revulsion, distaste, enmity, or antipathy for a person, thing, or phenomenon; a desire to avoid, restrict, remove, or destroy its object."
It is, I believe, useful to ask why it is something that we do, as there is always a purpose that serves us in the realm of it having survivability value. In other words, it almost certainly would not be around if it had no evolutionary value (to cause better survivability).
Sigmund Freud defined hate as an ego state that wishes to destroy the source of its unhappiness. Indeed, the object is normally, I think, classified as an enemy, which normally means that that person might do or intend them harm.
Hate is not necessarily logical and it can be counterproductive and self-perpetuating. It is also often a precursor, or has the tendencey to be, of violence.
WHY HATE A PERSON?
You would not hate someone unless that person represented a threat to you. If you felt powerful enough to handle that threat yourself, you probably would have handled the actual threat. But when one doesn't feel powerful enought, hate serves as a means of "holding things against someone". As a child one might erroneously imagine that hating the other person is some form of punishing them for what the child believes the person has done to them. Hating in this case is a kind of "mental flailing all about" (akin to flapping your arms or doing a temper tantrum).
A fully responsible, aware adult will not experience hate, unless it is just a fleeting program from the primitive brains recordings. This adult would just deal with any actual threat and move on and see no purpose to hating, though he/she would take due caution. This adult would also see that the other person is simply doing the best the other person can within his/her limits of awareness at the time and be able to experience compassion rather than hate. (Compassion is an "emotional management"" mechanism using what is called emotional intelligence, which one should learn in order to no longer experience hate.
THE EXPRESSION OF HATE
Spewing vitriolic anger and hatred often temporarily makes one feel calmer and less stressed. But that violent process of releasing anger is really much the same as using food, a drug or a drink as a temporary calming device. It works but not for long.
Some people will "use" it to feed an addiction to adrenaline. Just as with any addiction, the person is operating below the desired level, probably for dopamine, so the person needs a "hit" to boost oneself back up to normal or even higher.
Besides revising the beliefs that support hate, one needs to find other ways to take care of oneself, so that the chemical well-being of the person is not out of whack. When that chemical balance is not out of whack, the mind will not seek the "hit" IF the belief of the usefulness of hate is eradicated.
WATCH YOUR LANGUAGING
Your primitive mind will repeat a procedure and belief based on matching what occurs (or it hears) to what it believes is similar in its recording.
The term "hate" is often used casually to describe a dislike of something.
I would urge you to use milder terms that are more suitable in order not to trigger off any of the recordings, which will be more readily available and more wired in with each use.
Expanding your vocabulary is part of the process for increasing one's emotional intelligence. You could use "don't like", "don't prefer", "have a distaste for", or something else in that range. With anger, one might use "peeved" or "slightly ticked" - and you would also do something similar with regard to expressing dislike.
THE SOLUTION
Besides the addiction discussion above, the solution lies in revising the beliefs that support such a harmful strategy that is not useful in actual terms (since other means of dealing with people who mean you harm are available, though most people who are hated don't actually mean one any harm!).
We'll be adding an actual belief chain later on, so that you can see what can be done. Meanwhile, the solution is accessible in the Belief Changing Process. The process is very similar to what would occur with Anger, Rage, and/or Blame. It is based on the fault in reasoning behind blame, where the other person becomes an object that is the source of the problem rather than oneself being at cause over the matter. As with the other unnecessarily repeated behaviors, one must avoid hate like the plague, so that he/she can begin the process of installing alternative beliefs in order to rewire the brain.
