KNOWLEDGE IS ESSENTIAL
Knowing how you developed and how you will develop is essential.
With that knowledge, you can spot areas where your development went awry - and from that you can correct it and make it anew, managing your life for one helluva lot more happiness!
With that knowledge, you can contribute to your children what they actually need, rather than acting in well-intended ignorance and harming the child for life.
ERIKSON'S STAGES OF DEVELOPMENT
As a person, you developed this way (approximately). As a parent, you need to provide the impetus to have the child go to the healthy choice.
The stages are:
Infancy: Trust vs. Mistrust (Hope) (0 to 1 year)
Toddler: Autonomy vs. Shame & Doubt (Will) (2 to 3 years)
Preschool: Initiative vs. Guilt (Purpose) (4 to 6 years)
Childhood: Industry vs. Inferiority (Competence) (7 to 12 years)
Adolescence: Identity vs. Role Confusion (Fidelity) (13 to 19 years)
Young Adulthood: Intimacy vs. Isolation (Love) (20 to 34 years)
Middle Adulthood: Generativity vs. Stagnation (Care) (35 to 65 years)
Central tasks of Middle Adulthood
Senior: Integrity vs. Despair (Wisdom (65 years onwards)
Learn more:
More discussion is at Wikipedia (and you can google more).
Each of these areas are dealt with in this website, though different terms are used. See Detailed Contents/Links Psychology Section. Don't, please don't, assume that you are "screwed" for the rest of your life because of mislearning these in your earlier life - you can unlearn them and you can learn new things - otherwise I wouldn't bother to have this site. Do not use the past as an excuse for creating a similar future! (See Bad Past, Good Life and the discussion The Past And Now.)
STAGES OF BRAIN DEVELOPMENT
Parents slap their forehead when they learn that they were expecting things of the child that were not yet possible for the child! And the harm to the child could be immense in terms of imprinting "stupid" or "unworthy" and other simlar labels into the brain of the child.
For instance, a child is not capable of logic or organized thought before age 7 (and then develops it largely over about 5 years). At age 12, they begin to be able to think in an abstract mode, adding in more ability to use the principles of logic. The part of the brain with the ability to discern consequences does not develop mostly until age 21.
So the "crimes" of a parent, among others, lies in insisting on logic or trying to communicate with logic before age 7 or so or communicating with a teenager while expecting something beyond their capability.
THE CRIMES YOU'LL COMMIT IF...
Not knowing who your child is, what impressions your child gets before knowing better, not educating your child to have "emotional intelligence" and the other intelligences, not letting them experience challenges (becoming non-tolerant of frustration and non-generative) - among other missings - creates difficulties and unhappinesses for the child.
It is NOT TRUE that you "just do your best" and the child develops as they develop (as if it was pre-fate or uninfluenceable). "Just do your best" is a misstatement and sluff off of what is actually occurring - what is actually true is that one is probably doing one's best to the best of their knowledge at the time - but that knowledge isn't sufficient to do the best one can do!
It is true that you can make a huge, huge, huge difference if you do your duty to achieve for your child what you would want for your child.
Will you commit to this?
