tba
Follow these (plus get smarter as fast as you can) and 90% of interpersonal troubles will disappear! Post this or keep it immediately referenceable in some way, such as in Our Relationship Notebook. (OK for use right now, explanation will be added later.)
GIVE UP ALL CONTROL AND DEMANDS.
Only requests (that are refusable)
NEVER, NEVER, EVER COMPLAIN, CAJOLE, NAG...(Doesn't work, only harms)
Only address issues in designated problem solving sessions
NO BLAME
No unexpressed, uncleared up resentments (a big relationship killer)
NEVER, EVER ENGAGE WHEN ANGRY OR UPSET. Never ever ever attack, verbally or otherwise, your partner.
Take a mandatory time out until emotionally settled and in problem solving
mode
No withdrawal without setting up a time to talk and/or problem solve.
HAVE A DATE (ATTENTION TIME) AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK
Time enough for talking to each other, enjoying something, and showing
affection to each other. Keep it simple, without fairy tale expectations.
LISTEN WITHOUT INTERRUPTING
While the other is talking, only express understanding and check out things to
get understanding. Validate their feelings and concerns, no debate about
them (do problem solving only by agreement), no rasty comments.
SET SPECIFIC AGREEMENTS UP FOR WHAT IS TO BE DONE
No unexpressed expectations. All agreements must be specific and include
measurable/observable results
HAVE A ONCE A WEEK "MANAGEMENT AND SHARING MEETING"
Confine all issues, serious talks to that time; agreeing as to when to set up a
time for problem solving, with no problems left unaddressed
Share the last week (victories, what went on, etc.); plan the next week.
Express commitment and appreciation
LEARN ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS TOGETHER
Read at least 3 books together, discussing them at least once a week.
See also Top Ways To Have A Thriving Relationship.
