LOSS
UNDERSTAND AND GET PERSPECTIVE, FOR HAPPINESS
In construction, if interested in this getting done sooner, then
Contents:
Loss: The Central Concept For Unhappiness
Loss Vs. "Havingness"
How Full Is The Glass?
The Happiness Gap: What It Is And How To Close it.
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LOSS: THE CENTRAL CONCEPT FOR UNHAPPINESS
We are so worried about "losing" something that we fail to see what is
there, we fail to see the greatness of what we still have. (Thus it is no wonder that the practice of gratitude has a significant effect on happiness!)
Also, ironically, we unrealistically and unknowledgeably believe that we "need" "more" (by far) than we actually need to be happy. Because of that we feel a relatively constant "lack of safety", as we fear losing the extra we have that we don't actually need - that's a poor game to play in life!
These losses are all minor, only molehills that soon disintegrate into nothingness, infinitely small compared to the mountain of what we have. The only thing to fear is loss of life and/or limb - but it turns out that we survive those well, returning to our prior level of happiness within one year! So...there is nothing to fear...things happen...we go on...we create plenty of happiness...regardless - we only need to see that and understand it. (I recommend that you really nail this down for it is an essential precept for happiness, or eliminating unhappiness. Read the sections that follow.)
(Read also about how we humans are notoriously bad at estimating what will make us happy, so we go down the wrong roads and do not find that predicted happiness, wasting alot of life. See and become knowledgeable on Happiness so that you don't make that mistake!)
EXPERIENCING LOSS WHERE THERE IS NONE
Ironically, we have many of our "loss" experiences where there is no actual loss, just a form of imagining (or imaging) the losses. We set up all sorts of criteria for having "things" that are not in fact "things" but only "made-ups" of no actual value, as they simply don't exist.
There is no such thing as self-esteem in the real world. It is totally made-up. The Dalai Lama was dumbfounded when he heard about how Westerners have self-esteem problems, as there wasn't even a word for it in his language!
There is no such thing as "true worth" of an individual...being "good enough"...being "bad"...etc. and etc. It's all imaginary.
We set up unrealistic expectations created from idealism and/or our estimate of what we think others demand of us, and then we, not so surprisingly, end up falling short. We create our own Unhappiness Gap - and then we fall into it, which is just the opposite of what we want to do! Psychologically, we equate the expectation to something we already had, in our minds anyway, and then we take our being short of it to be a "loss". All that is a total illusion!
And you can bet the Buddhist monks, as the happiest people in the world, don't indulge in setting up something imaginary to have and then bemoaning how it, or a portion of it, is missing. It is foolish to engage in loss thinking about what is missing in something that just doesn't exist in the real world! (See Why Buddhist Monks Are So Happy - and consider adopting what they do that works - duh!)
LOSS VS. HAVINGNESS
We "lose" small stuff compared to all we permanently have.
Read in the Gratitude section:
What I Have Compared To So-Called Losses , which is a perspective piece to see the overall picture on how much we actually do have. Read the full piece, as it is much more in depth than the simplified partial illustration below, especially as we use the process of seeing what is there (carried out in the Gratitude section)
We need to daily keep our "tank" full by doing "havingness" processes using set processes and methods to do so, using something like the Reminders Notebook, otherwise we set ourselves up for playing the "loss game", an insidious, harmful game to "play" and an incredibly ignorant, unknowledgeable, unnecessary game!
HOW FULL IS THE GLASS?
Reality: The glass is...
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"Not full" 1/10th (Loss = 1/100th)
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"Full" 9/10ths
All the elements in the world for life
The world "works": weather, food
Gifts of the sun, nature, "owning" it all
Having the greatest computer in the universe
The ability to alter thoughts and beliefs to make them
beneficial
An incredible self-regulating, automatic, abuse-tolerating body
The abilities to experience emotions
Abilities to express one's talents, beliefs, values
Abilities to add value and meaning to life
Much, much, much, much, much more
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If all we do is "look", we can see that the glass is notjust 50% full or 50% empty, but actually at least 9/10ths full and less than 1/10th empty - which is pretty darned good! To see more of what is "in the glass", read the basics of Gratitude and then decide how much worth there is to becoming really good at it!
THE HAPPINESS GAP: WHAT IT IS AND HOW TO CLOSE IT
The size of the gap between where you are and where you believe you "should" be equals your level of unhappiness. We recommend you close it, now and forever. Read and understand The Unhappiness Gap.
RELATED READINGS
How Much Is Enough? (At the base level)
Gratitude section:
The Positives Portfolio - An essential foundation to create.
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Losses, Needs, Consequences
Sadness - Putting things into perspective.
This perspective clears it all up.
Needs - What do we really, actually need? A vital, vital needed understanding to have a happy life!
The Actual Consequences Are Not So Bad - We mispredict the 2 key elements
HOW FAR DOWN IS DOWN?
The better the answer, the lesser the fears/stress... If we lose something that doesn't really matter, does the loss really matter??? Read What Really Matters.
