RESISTANCE
HOW TO REMOVE IT, AND HAVE LIFE BE EASY!
tba, draft note
Resistance is simply from the total of:
1. Mental resistance ("this is awful", "this shouldn't be...")
2. A '"felt" Conflicting Need (which we note and feel if it is priority.
"Felt" in this case is a sensation in the body from the system matching associations to determine that there is probably something that is out of whack. This triggers the need to return to Homeostasis (proper functioning and balance), as the body will not tolerate any perceived threats to survival.
Even saying something like "I should be doing something else, better" (often with no clairity about what that is!) will cause a sense of conflict that will slow us down and/or take away from our "forward energy".
Resistance is not a "mysterious" force or entity. It is just body/mind mechanics.
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Much of our "resistance" comes from our expecting that things "should be" different than reality. So, we set a delusional war up between doing what is appropriate for the reality (i.e. acting on it!) and gettting stuck in wishing reality is different what it is - and wasting our energy on hope or magical thinking.
Realities
"You can fight reality. But notice that it always wins. Therefore, maybe you should consider..."
"How stupid is it to keep banging your head against the walls of reality."
"If we desire that something be different than it is, we are just wasting our time and energy for no purpose at all, for it is what it is, period."
"Reality is as reality does. Realistically at some times we will "step in something". Shit happens. (Forrest Gump). Just notice what happens. It isn't personal, it is just something that happens. The only logical response is to say 'I'll notice what is happening, then I'll decide what to do next, so I can at least try to do something that will get me what I want'."
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Those who are "enlightened", from the Dalai Lama to Stephen Covey, all choose not to resist reality and simply objectively observe what is happening (just the facts, with no "stories" about them) and ask what should be done about it - and then they do it. They have "disappeared" resistance by not creating it in the first place.
They think something like this:
The enlightened person (thinking mode):
What's so? So what! Now what?
The unenlightened person: "Oh, this shouldn't be!" [But it is, dearie!] "This makes me angry!" [No, your illogical thoughts cause the anger.] "I'm so stupid and I'll always be." [No, you've just not learned what to do, or there is nothing that you could have done anyway. The only thing you can do now is do your best to learn what you can, namely that which will likely not cause the undesired outcome anymore!]
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In philosophy and in psychology, there is much discussion about resistance, especially about "resistance to reality". Let's clear this up, once and for all. And let's implement the cure for resistance, so that life is not hard. Let's not fight reality!
Yes, resistance is "hard"! But we are the ones causing that.
The truth is that we can do things/life much easier!
Definition: A force that tends to oppose or retard motion. In electricity, the classic resistance is the rate at which electrical energy is not converted into heat or another form of energy, the rate at which it opposes the conversion. In biology, it is the capacity of an organism to defend itself against a disease.
Resistance is neither bad nor good. However, in a given situation resistance may be something we would find impairs functioning, so we want to lessen it or eliminate it.
CAUSE 1. THINGS SHOULD BE DIFFERENT!
However, resisting as an action may be a wasted, fruitless endeavor. We want things to all turn out well, but occasionally reality occurs otherwise. We can only acknowledge "this is how things are" and then move on. There is no legitimate "this should not be happening!" Things are happening or not. That's it.
Note that resistance is an opposing action, thus it uses the fear response, which causes stress, shuts the thinking brain down while one goes into fight/flight mode. But there is nothing to fight and nothing to flee if something has already happened and is not going to continue happening. It is simply a past tense occurrence, with no existence in the next moment unless we perpetuate it.
CAUSE 2. A CONFLICTING NEED-THOUGHT
In psychology, there is a "why" to all resistance. The "why" is always some other need, which the filling of that need may be pushing out the filling of another need.
Sometimes, the person is not even aware of the existence of the emotion or the reason behind it, but the factual observation that something is not getting done indicates there must be a resistance and then we must go through a detective process to figure out what is logically there. (We probably don't have to, though it can be useful, figure out the "why" of the need's existence that was created from the past; but we do need to know what the believed benefit is and the thinking behind that - so we can de-construct it if appropriate and needed.)
Since a need is ordinarily filled via an emotion (an "order") to fill it, I placed this in my hierarchical structure under "Emotion Management".
WHAT MY THOUGHTS ARE RELATED TO MY RESISTANCE
So, it is clear in my life that I resist doing certain mundane things (as it is clear that they remain undone!), even when I put them on my schedule and follow the recommended protocols on how to do them (and to not procrastinate - see the behavior of Procrastination - incidentally, there is no such thing as Self Sabotage).
What I need to do is identify what is conflicting with doing those, as I have no reason to oppose, per se, any of them getting done, as they all have benefits. My not doing something, of course, could be a "Racket", where I am going for false or inferior payoffs and incurring higher costs (or lost benefits), where I am fooling myself; most often these are "false-fear-based".
However, there is definitely some process where my mind, true or not, is judging that the value or cost of one doing one thing is inferior to the value and cost of doing another. I can, therefore, only do a "good-for-the-long-term" action if I can build up the benefits of doing so to be seen as bigger than doing the alternative. That's my task, methinks.
DISCOMFORT IS A "COST"
In all cases, I think, we are avoiding believed discomfort (which becomes a body feeling that results from the belief). Psychological discomfort ('the cost") is a physical phenomenon, not just a "thinking" phenomena - a chemical is released that is "uncomfortable". I repeat: this is a physical phenomenon, not something that occurs out there in the ether world or conceptually in the brain. Our belief does, however, create the discomfort. In most cases, we simply make up something (a thought) that causes the discomfort, for all things otherwise are simply neutral and objective.
COMPETING NEEDS
I feel anxious because I am entertaining beliefs that things might not go as well as what I would like or that I am not doing well right now or that someone is disapproving of me... and that fear-based belief thinking causes the body to react. Accordingly, we then do what we know will offset it, engage in some discomfort reducing behavior. However, we are quite ignorant about what to use to reduce this discomfort (or to eliminate it in the first place).
Evidence that we are ignorant abounds, as shown in the effects of what we do to relieve comfort: eating inappropriately, smoking, drugs, lack of endurance and stamina, being unhappy (depression or suppressing emotions is a means of coping - not a good means, but still a means of trying to reduce the discomfort)...
When I finish this page, I hope to have had things come together such that the obviously unproductive practice and habit of procrastinating will be dramatically reduced and eventually at least 80+% eliminated. The measure for that is that I will have all actions that are feasibly taken now, with no reason to positively put it off til later, in fact taken now on a timely basis. It will be in the form of a habit, which I have rationalized to be worth it.
"I see that there is nothing else that is an emergency, so I can at least do 15 minutes toward something, as surely there is nothing that can't wait that long or will be dramatically reduced. Then I decide whether to do another 15 minutes. It is now ok for me to do 15 minutes."
I now try to implement this, in the evening, as I look around my office and see that things could be made to look a lot more orderly...and I just get this kinda tired feeling and just want to go off and do something mindless or that takes no effort....
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Some notes for later inclusion:
I am certain that life will have some uncomfortable chemicals. And they will soon pass, as I readjust my body or it readjusts on its own. I simply let it be and let the resistance go, just as in The Sedona Method (which works, though I didn't buy the idea at first; see the book of that title; Jack Canfield also says it works.).
Railing against what is! How silly! It's the equivalent of bashing your head against a brick wall. The brick wall is there, so do whatever you have to do to adjust to the fact. It is unintelligent, at the least, to think that wishing otherwise will have any positive effect, though it surely will have a negative effect!
Frustrated at having to have the site consultants not "get it" and the time it takes away from what I want to do and then they don't solve it anyway! But hoping that people are smarter than they are is fruitless and harming. Life goe as fast as it goes, no faster! I accept reality as it is as it is simply what it is! And resisting reality doesn't work anyway!
I see what is so. I then engage my brain (pause, deep breath) and decide what I need to do in that moment or in the future. That's it. No fretting, no fuming, no frustration.
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Motivation and resistance
Motivation and resistance are related. As we eliminate resistance to reality, we release ourselves to gaining more clarity. Gaining clarity will help us make better decsions and choose more of what is better. We are always trying to "motivate" ourselves toward what is better for us, but conflicting needs (especially if not well-defined) will provide an "incentive" in the opposite direction of where we think it is better to go. And we often lose the battle, thinking we have insufficient motivation instead of understanding it better and using more effective strategies
Related
Behavior Management Contents/Links - With motivation section
Outside viewpoints
How Not To Resist? Echhart Tolle, Video (5:06)
MindReality - Offer No Resistance To What You Do Not Want - A way to look at this, but remember that "manifestation" takes action.
How To Face Reality - WikiHow - A couple of good points.
