7/12
THE PROCESS FOR FORGIVING 
THE PROCESSING FORM


Complete the following (the whole thing, as you've got to be complete).  Estimated time: approx. 15 min.
Estimated value:  Priceless
____________________________________________________________________________________

WHAT HAPPENED WAS:


I was:  __ betrayed  __ lied to; __ invalidated;  __ ____________

_____________________________________________________________________________________


HOW I FEEL ABOUT IT OR ABOUT THE OTHER PERSON:



I am upset at a level of ___ (1-10, 10 as the highest)
I resent it    I am angry about it     I am hurt by    I am sad    I am _____

_____________________________________________________________________________________


THE PAIN THIS CREATED FOR ME WAS BASED ON:



THIS CURRENT EVENT CREATED IN ME

___ Some fears:
         __ I can't trust people; __ life is uncontrollable; __ people can hurt me;    

___ Some doubts:

  __ Am I too sensitive?
  __ I feel bad this person didn't respect me. 
  __ If this person loved me, he/she would have known this would hurt me.
  __ The other person should have done as I expected.
  __ Maybe I'm not being as nice   grown up     understanding    as I should be.
  __ I'm not so good with people
  __ _________________________________________________________________________


AN EARLIER SIMILAR EVENT that might have originated some fear around this could be:





ACCEPTANCE AND ACKNOWLEDGEMENT:

__ I choose to accept myself and my feelings in this.  __ I am, after all, human with limited awareness.

The part I played in letting this occur or letting it continue:  

     ___ I own my part in this.

I acknowledge that I didn't get what I wanted/expected, which was:


   To feel:  __ special;  __ appreciated;  __ loved;  ___ safe;  __ happy; __  supported;   


THE OTHER PERSON

From the other person's perspective, I imagine that he/she was trying to fill, with this behavior, a need of his/her own, which was probably: 


___ I acknolwedge that the person was doing only the best he/she knew how at the time, however workable or not workable it was. 

___ I forgive this person fully, as a human being just doing the best he/she could do at the time givern his/her limited awareness.


CHECKING BACK IN WITH MYSELF

___ I love and accept myself for doing the best I could at the time.

___ I recognize that I am responsible for everything in my life and that incidents don't alway happen as I would like and people don't always do what I would prefer, but that is just the way things work. 
      ___ I accept that.

___ As I check my feelings around this, I no longer feel any intensity around it.  (If not, do more work around it, get help, anything to complete it.)

__ I now let all of this go.
 
__ I appreciate this other person for being a fallible human being caught up in his/her needs and sometimes missing doing what works for me.

__ I completely forgive _________________.

I __ love, __ like, __ appreciate ___ ______ this other person.  

And  ___ I will communicate this to the other person if it is helpful. 


I GAINED FROM THIS

And what I could learn from this for a better future is:



Is there anything else with regard to this that was a problem for me?  Anything else I should address or do?



How else could I get what I want, acknowledging that it is not wise to try to control others to get it?:


How could I give it to myself?: 







Blame, Criticism, Resentment, Forgiveness

Learning Module:  Blame, Forgiveness

The Reasoning For No Blame - This is a core to understanding life and how things work.

Once you fully understand the realities of life, then you'll accept this:  How Could A Person Who Has Been ____ Be Justified To Forgive?