CONTENTS:
About reconstructing one's beliefs'
Believing it made it true
Powerless and helpless, updated?, payoff?
I will suffer from loneliness
But it is built into my fiber and automatic
Onward to the top ten self-talk tunes
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ABOUT RECONSTRUCTING ONE'S BELIEFS
Reconstructing somebody's erroneous beliefs is the key thing that makes life work better. This is no mystery, as it is thoughts of danger (fear) are what overactivate the displeasure chemicals, which many people in turn interpret as danger (pain and misery), thus alarming the system further in an ongoing chaining of thoughts.
The biggest reason for failure of such programs is lack of sticking to and persisting through the process of working the old belief into a new belief. Many people attempt to do this through the use of affirmations, which are helpful but by no means sufficient! One must understand why a belief is erroneous to be able to reject it. Then one must understand why a new belief is true (or is at least a feasible possibility). And then one must talk to the dumber parts of the brain to get the idea to be "learned" to a reasonable degree and then be ever vigilant not to believe it when Dumb and Dumber fire back with the old programming.
BELIEVING IT MADE IT TRUE
Barbara persisted in insisting her beliefs were true despite her saying "well, I know, intellectually that they are not true." This was said as if "intellectually" diminished the value of it. So many people put down such things as "being in your head" or "being rational" - but those are what the higher brain does, so it is good, not bad. Yes, the freedom to "feel" is also good, but one need not exclude the other!!!!
POWERLESS AND HELPLESS - OUTDATED? A PAYOFF?
One of her beliefs was that she was powerless and helpless, a process which is quite circular in its nature. "I just can't do what I need to do as I feel so powerless, so it is natural that I feel so powerless as I never get anything done."
Those who believe this will often fail to recognize (or give themselves any credit for) what they have actually done, as it there was a true payoff in being helpless, like receiving concern and attention (as a surrogate for love) or hoping for an incompletion in childhood to take place, to where they are rescued [which does not actually happen, though intermittent reinforcement may have one thinking it works or is worth trying for]. Getting out of the loop is a bit of a challenge, as one must give up the payoff and see that it is quite costly.
Landmark trains its attendees to evaluate the payoffs and costs and to make new decision while in one's rational mind. Those who really take this very seriously seem to make incredible leaps in their progress in life, as they give up what doesn't work and insert what does work. Unfortunately, some people don't "get it" without some kind of direct intervention, such as coaching or counseling. A counselor trained in the concepts that Landmark teaches can utilize that training to take it to the max - and really change people's lives dramatically.
I WILL SUFFER FROM LONELINESS
Contributing to her "despair" was the thought that she would always be lonely as she could not be with people she thought worthy of being with her without hyperventilating, therefore she would always be lonely and miserable about it.
A circular trap, that interlinked with the belief that she was powerless. And, of course, the hyperventilation wiped her out so that she would be out of it for a day or two. To her, life would always be miserable. [Yet she somehow maintained a glimmer of hope, though refusing to admit it.]
"It only makes sense that I must be lonely as 'humans must have interconnection.'"
BUT IT IS BUILT INTO MY FIBER, AND AUTOMATIC!
Then, to top it all off and make it permanently non-workable, the hyperventilation just suddenly came upon her (in those particular situations), with "no warning", so she was again helpless and stuck with it. It was "part of her fiber."
The idea that it was not permanent was debated by her, since she had "proof" (as illogical as it was). She did however, in conversations, acknowledge that panic comes from fear. She did not see that she lived with her "procedure" (a set of steps that were engaged in to deal with a particular situation) was something she learned and could unlearn and was not part of her DNA.
As you'll see, I talked with her about "intervening" earlier in the causal chain. And I suggested that she train herself to spot tension through "body scanning" before things get too overwhelming. She had simply become oblivious to all the tension that builds up. She didn't have to pay attention to the signals as long as she believe it just "suddenly happened to her."
ON TO THE TOP TEN SELF TALK TUNES
So, now we will go to Barbara's Top Ten Self Talk Tunes, which is the starting place to deconstruct invalid beliefs and convert them to what is true and workable in life. This is the essential core of what everyone would best do to increase their ability to create happiness instead of struggle.
Go ahead and read her top ten tunes and then go to the sections on each to see how this will be (at the time of this writing, before success) initially dealt with: Barbara's Top Ten Self Talk Tunes
Note: One word of caution here: None of the above is meant to "judge" her or anyone with similar beliefs. These merely came from her upbringing and the inevitable steps she had to make to adjust to life to cope with it. The only point here is that we need to "upgrade" those beliefs so that she can achieve the happiness she so richly deserves as a human being.
Questions and exercises along the way.
Start, every time you get a chance, tensing the body and then letting it go; all parts.
Go to the option.org website press Media and then videos and watch Strength Without Anger, press Part I to have it come up. The speaker is the subject of the book and movie Son-Rise, which was about a child who was discovered to be autistic with a below 30 IQ - now Raun is unbelievably capable and well-adjusted and very expressive and open.
What do you think of the validity of the concept? "Is it true?"
Read the pieces in the Listing of Specific Articles To Read
Have you read and do you understand and agree with the Anger section?
