(IMPORTANT: To read footnotes in a document on the internet, under "view" click print layout.)
ONCE YOU HAVE THE RIGHT PARTNER, THEN PLAN AND CREATE THE RELATIONSHIP - Once you have the right partner or potentially right partner, don't commit to marriage without being certain of the qualities, beyond "being in love". See Finding/Selecting Your Partner. Once you are certain you've done all that is required, then you would use this process to complete. However, note that your intention to do this process and some of the contents of this process would be good to share. Indeed, until the final commitment, doing this process is only a step to that final commitment - for many things can be revealed while doing this process.
Some of the individual parts in the planning process: Be sure to be aware of the Stages!
Tests - Essential to being sure proceeding correctly and effectively
CREATION PROCESS - Do the steps that will help create the relationship on purpose,
with a strong foundation built for the long term.
See also:
The Deterioration Process
The Repair Process
(The pieces for this section are not quite segregated out yet, so you'll find many of the pieces in the Sustaining a Relationship page, also)
THE CARPENTER'S RULE: MEASURE TWICE, CUT ONCE
_________________________________________________________________
ESSENTIAL! DON'T PROCEED BEFORE HAVING THE RIGHT PARTNER!!!!!!!! Immediately before this you must take the checkups for selecting a partner, to see if you really want to create this relationship. Review the Finding/Selecting Your Partner section for the relevant pieces. See at least these:
odds of having a happy relationship from 7% to greater than 95%.
Warning! This is the biggest commitment (other than having children!) in your lifetime! Any extra efforts have a huge payoff in terms of making a better decision. Do not proceed to getting married without having fully looked at the Compatibility and Indicator pieces and without actually knowing the psychology of the other person and getting full agreement as to handling any problems (see commitments and agreements under Communication and under Sustaining). Do not proceed until these are fully in place! There is a reason for such a high divorce and marrital unhappiness rate!
____________________________________________________________________________________
"Our Relationship" Notebook
Relationship Reference Notebook
"My Relationship Creation" Notebook
Read the key documents (in capital letters) as a grounding exercise and then items that are of
interest. You can read the website like a book, if you print the items of interest and insert it into
the Relation Reference Notebook (see above).
On each sitemap page, (F) = a worksheet or form to fill out and/or use.
OVERALL
including filling up your own tank and not shopping while hungry or not functional.
process, using "staged" sequences.
PURPOSE, MISSION, VISION
Without a vision of what you want in the relationship, you don't stand much of a chance of achieving anything. Without knowing where you are you cannot set up the next essential step, which is the step for getting "from where you are" to "where you want to be."
See the "Our Relationship" Notebook to see all the pieces that could go into the plan and/or
reminder/reference system.
The Process: Vision >>> Commitments >>> Plan, Align on Goals
vision statements overall and developing agreement as to the "level" you are both
committed to, followed by creating goals and practices that will serve you toward
building a thriving relationship.
relationship that is truly transformed and truly committed to the happiness of both
partners.
specifics involved.
commitments as part of our plan (See also, in Agreements section: Relationship
Agreements That Should Be Completed.)
PLANNING, GOALS
STAGES OF A RELATIONSHIP
William Harley's book His Needs, Her Needs.
TESTS
See the 2 primary tests in the TESTING section.
What level of consciousness and lovingness are you, on a level of 1 to 10, in your
relationship? Also, if you wish, you can rate (2 pages) the positive and negative
energies in your relationship and see what your score indicates your level to be.
Most of the tests will be under Sustaining Relationships, which applies also to creating
section, to see if each of you is willing to create that level of relationships.
CREATING
!st, review: The LEARNING, MASTERING, AND BUILDING Section, as this is the core of creating the foundation and structure to make a relationship work and keep on working.
2nd, invest time and effort in these learning and growing exercises:
An excellent foundation for starting this process is in doing the exercises and following the program in Getting The Love You Want Workbook, buying the Getting The Love You Want book, both authored by Harville Hendrix. It takes 24-30 hours to complete, but it will provide an excellent basis.
Also:
See the Learning sections and the Relationship Resources sections for workshops and books and pick some to do or read to further create a very solid relationship that will avoid the high odds of failure.
