SHOPPING
FINDING AND SELECTING A PARTNER
THE MOST VITAL STEP!


(To read footnotes in a document on the internet, under "view" click print layout.)


CONTENTS

OVERVIEW
    Use The Carpenter's Rule
    Improve The Odds!
         Learn About Relationships!
         Screen For The Right Partner
         Make Sure You Are Both Committed
    Do A Great Process, Don't Leave It To Be "Up To The Universe"
         Read this section.
         Plan In Order To Be Effective And Efficient
         Use These Resources!
VITAL TESTS, CRITERIA, RELATIONSHIP-RESUME  - Compare with your criteria, check your
    compatibility.  Insurance!    Also, identify your salient features, for marketing!
THE READINGS:    
     VITAL READINGS - Read and know these BEFORE you even consider a relationship!
     OTHER IMPORTANT READINGS
THE VITAL PLANNING! - Marketing, prospecting, and "getting".  DON'T WASTE TIME.  PLAN!
RESOURCES - Use these - be an expert, as it will pay!!
    BOOKS, WORKSHOPS, CD/DVD COURSES  



USE THE CARPENTER'S RULE!:

"MEASURE TWICE, CUT ONCE"

Make sure you measure while in a rational process... See the readings and the warnings!!!

It is such a waste of life to make the mistake that is so easy - and later so costly, even down to losing a part of one's life, forever!!!


IMPROVETHE ODDS - Vital!!!!!

- Read also The Love Quest, Let The Chemicals Reign!?! Or Play To Win?, but only if you
       want to save alot of effort and be alot happier - priceless!

       Read the section on The Stages Of A Relationship, which includes The Neurochemicals Of
            Romance and The Neurochemicals of Attachment (for the long term!)

1)  LEARN ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS

So you'll know what to expect and to not be unrealistic or unaccepting, so you'll know about gender differences and how to work with them, so you'll know how to run a relationship!!!!!   Read, at least, before going any further today the pre-marriage minimum:  Essential Quick Grounding In Relationships .  Then go to Learn/Master/Build

2)  MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON:

     COMPATIBILITY AND SETTING THE CRITERIA - Set very, very clear criteria and standards
         AND make sure one of the absolute requirements is to meet the compatibility test!!!!

    WHAT TO LOOK AT TO CREATE THE DESCRIPTION OF THE RELATIONSHIP YOU
         TRULY WANT - This was written to help a particular person create all the elements of a
         description of the desired person, who she will need to be and how she would describe that. 
         This is a necessary exercise for everyone who wants a relationship.
    
     MY REQUIREMENTS FOR A RELATIONSHIP - Some criteria and an example of fashioning
          what you want in a relationship.

3) MAKE SURE YOU'RE BOTH COMMITTED TO WHAT WORKS

     DON'T GET MARRIED WITHOUT THE "MARRIAGE CERTIFICATION"!  (Click the link!)


DO THIS GREAT PROCESS - DON'T LET IT BE "UP TO THE UNIVERSE"!


1)  REVIEW THIS SECTION:

Read the key documents (in capital letters) as a grounding exercise and then items that are of
  interest.  You can read the website like a book, if you print the items of interest and insert it into
  the Relation Reference Notebook (see above).  The next step is Creating/Building A Relationship.

On each sitemap page, (F) = a worksheet or form to fill out and/or use.

        Overview - THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT SINGLE DECISION OF YOUR LIFE!
                          Read the Introduction to the Relationship Section!!

                    BEING EFFECTIVE IN FINDING AND DEVELOPING INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS -
                       The strategies needed, including filling up one's own tank so that one is not
                       shopping while too hungry or not functional.    

                     USE THE BOOKS, WORKSHOPS, CD'S AND DVD'S, BELOW.

         Vital tests:  Remember the Carpenter's Rule:  Measure Twice, Cut Once!!!!!

             Are you compatible?

                   Compatibility - Screening For, Ahead Of Time!! - A stitch in time saves nine!  A look
                       at the reality of how or whether you'll fit together will save a lot of heartache and
                       wasted time.  Fooling yourself for the sake of some short term romance is a waste
                        of your life and it fills the space in which your true partner can come.

             Specifying what I want: Test the other person against your clear wants list.
 
                WHAT TO LOOK AT TO CREATE THE DESCRIPTION OF THE RELATIONSHIP 
                    YOU TRULY WANT - This was written to help a particular person create all the
                    elements of a description of the desired person, who she will need to be and how
                    she would describe that. This is a necessary exercise for everyone who wants a
                    relationship.
                    Criteria for Spouse/Partner - An Example
                    Feedback - Getting Realistic Feedback To See What You Are Doing Or Need To
                       Change
                    MY REQUIREMENTS FOR A RELATIONSHIP - Some criteria and an example of
                       fashioning what you want in a relationship.
                    Relationship Resume - An excellent "checklist" to write down things about you that
                        are relevant to a relationship.  By Dr. Tom Stevens.

                    See additional items below.  Try the tests on eHarmony.  Answer honestly without
                       rose-colored lenses and based on how they are now, without change.   

                    The next level tests are at "Creating A New Relationship". 

                    The most vital test of all - Will your partner commit to (at least work up to)
                        The Marriage Contract 

        Vital reading:

                   GETTING THE LOVE YOU WANT - A Brief Summary - What are you really
                       (actually) seeking to get from a relationship and why do you pick the people you
                        do?  
                    Making Decisions About Whether To Continue In A Relationship  
                    PAYING ATTENTION TO THE INDICATORS - To Determine AHEAD OF TIME (!)
                       If It will be a good relationship   

              Self Description

                    Self Description For Other Person to Screen You - Example
                          Example of a very "authentic, defining" internet listing powerfully done:
                              A Truly Loving, Aware Woman - Read this!
                    Relationship Resume - An excellent "checklist" to write down things about you that
                        are relevant to a relationship.  By Dr. Tom Stevens.

        Other reading:

                    The "Come From" To "Get To" A Great Relationship - Where are YOU coming from
                       in terms of traits, behaviors, and beliefs regarding relationships.  You should find a
                       few things that you might want to alter if you truly want to have a real and enduring
                       relationship. 
                    WHAT IS WANTED AND NEEDED BY A PERSON OF THE OPPOSITE SEX -
                       What is really wanted?  If you don't know and name the reality, you have very little
                       chance of achieving it!

         See eharmony CD, below!

2)   PLAN IN ORDER TO BE EFFECTIVE AND EFFICIENT!!!


         The Vital Planning

                   My Plan to Create A Partner - Without a plan, few things are accomplished.  If having
                       a great partner, you might wish to do this planning well!!!
                   The Relationships Plans, Elements Of - Analogous to any plan or any business, we
                       would include all of these elements in our plan.
                 
         Use the Relationship Creation Notebook to set up your plan and the successful
            accomplishment of your goal!

          As the relationship "develops", go to Creating and Sustaining, especially reviewing The
            Stages of A Relationship and the choices around which way to go.  Also, you should look
            at the Agreements and Planning subsections to Sustaining.

3)  USE THESE RESOURCES

          See books below and also Relationship Resources page.

Websites: (See the educational sections mentioned.)

    Learn/Evaluate:

         Singles.com - A central site for singles evaluating all that is available for singles.

     Learn And Match:
             
         EHarmony.com - Supposedly the best "matcher" in terms of more criteria.  See
            Singles.com evaluation.  Educational programs available on line, plus see the absolutely
            essential 12 CD series.
         Match.com - The biggest.  See also MindBindFind by Dr. Phil education series for defining
             and ridding yourself of unwanted relationship issues.
         Matchmaker.com - Also one of the top.

     Match Free:

          PlentyOfFish.com - Free site, growing by leaps and bounds

Books:  See the listing of books on Finding And Selecting in the Relationship Resources
                     section.)

Workshops highly recommended especially for this stage of relationship (see others in
             Relationship Resources section)

             Engaged encounter workshops:  Run usually by religious organizations but you're not
                 required to be a member.  Friends have taken marriage related workshops through
                 the Catholic Marriage Encounter and Retrouvaille and they say there was no
                 interference by religion.  Typically taught by a priest and two married couples.  Go to
                 each and find when they are scheduled and take one as soon as you can!  See the
                 testimonials!

                 Engagedencounter.org (Catholic)
                 Encounter.org  866-633-3862 United Methodist Engaged Encounter
                 ilme.org/EE.htm Lutheran Engaged Encounter
                 Basics4Marriage.com Episcopal Church - Northern California
                 Run search engine based using "Engaged Encounter" for others
                     
CD's, DVD's particular to not yet marrieds.
            
           A!   Finding The Love Of Your Life, 12 CD series, eHarmony.com - Essential learning.                     



USE
THESE RELATIONSHIP NOTEBOOKS:
(Click above)    
"My Relationship Creation" Notebook  "Our Relationship" Notebook Relationship Reference Notebook
(At least scan these.)
Relationship Pages
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WARNING:  Dangerous For Your Health
      7% = Chance of a happy relationship.
BAD PREDICTORS:  The factors that we typically use to select our partners are very poor predictors of success.  Learn what factors to add and/or modify!!!
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REVIEW AND DO!

ESSENTIAL QUICK GROUNDING IN RELATIONSHIPS

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